some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
