lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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