the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
