I wish I could teleport
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am spending my child support on dildos
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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