hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
