I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize