mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've blown a few things in my day
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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