Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hippo gnu deer
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize