I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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