I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
