It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
