i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
