Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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