I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
