Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
