Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
zippers are such a cool invention
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
