i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
