i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize