I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
