Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bring me that man meat
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
