no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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