Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
