i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
