he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think people are normalizing furries
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