So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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