His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
