I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
