whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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