is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
