Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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