Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize