Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
