Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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