that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
