sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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