Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
