hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
