I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
