I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
