Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
