I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
