I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
