Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
