Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize