Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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