Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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