Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
