I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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