happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
