Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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