Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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