you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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