I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize