Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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