What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
