i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
