So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
