you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize