She's JV to your varsity
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
