part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
