Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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