$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
