what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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