when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
