please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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