she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
