so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
